And on a more spiritual level...

The poor country pastor was livid when he confronted his wife with the receipt for a $250 dress she had bought. "How could you do this!" he exclaimed.
"I don't know," she wailed, "I was standing in the store looking at the dress. Then I found myself trying it on. It was like the Devil was whispering to me, 'Gee, you look great in that dress. You should buy it.'"
"Well," the pastor persisted, "You know how to deal with him! Just tell him, "Get behind me, Satan!"
"I did," replied his wife, "but then he said "It looks great from back here, too."

Housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work.
Unknown to her, her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet.
Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet.
The boy now has company.
Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball."
Man: "That's nice."
Boy: "Want to buy it?
"Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: My dad's outside."
Man: "OK, how much?"
Boy: "$250."
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together.
Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball glove."
Man: "How much?"
Boy: "$750."
Man: "Fine."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball."
The boy says, "I can't ! I sold them."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
The son says,"$1,000."
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that.That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take youto church and make you confess."
They go to church and the father makes the little boy sit in theconfession booth and closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that again."

Words of Wisdom

Enough of such frivolity.
Time for todays lessons.
Read peasants, and be enriched in your business lives!

Corporate Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. "Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Corporate Lesson 2:
A priest offered a lift to a Nun.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest removed his hand.
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Corporate Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin. clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
Poof! She's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.
"I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life. "
Poof! He's gone.
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

Corporate Lesson 4:
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
A rabbit asked him,"Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The crow answered: "Sure, why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing,you must be sitting very high up.

Corporate Lesson 5:
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
"I would love to be able to Get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Moral of the story: Bullsh*t might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Know the feeling guys???

An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.
A cop pulls him over.
"So," says the cop to the driver, where have ya been?"
"Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.
"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening."
"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."

JCSS - Jesus Christ Superstar next week

Sorry for the lack of posts/jokes.
Been a really hectic time in the run up to JCSS.
I'll be posting a diary at the CSP (Centre Stage Productions) blog daily if you want to join in with the preparations.
You'll find the blog at: http://csp-m.blogspot.com come and join us there.

Here's a quickie to be going on with...

A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down but says nothing.
The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention, but the drunk continues to sits there.
Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.
The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin; there's no paper on this side either".

Talking about Jesus Christ Superstar reminds me of..

Little Zachary, a little kid, was doing very badly in maths.
His parents had tried everything: tutors, mentors, flash cards, special learning centres, in short, everything they could think of to help his mathematics.
Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Zachary down and enrolled him in the local Catholic school.
After the first day, little Zachary came home with a very serious look on his face.
He didn't even kiss his mother hello.
Instead, he went straight to his room and started studying.
Books and papers were spread out all over the room and little Zachary was hard at work.
His mother was amazed.
She called him down to dinner, to her shock, the minute he was done, he marched back to his room without a word, and in no time, he was back hitting the books as hard as before.
This went on for some time, day after day while the mother tried to understand what made all the difference.
Finally, little Zachary brought home his report card.
He quietly laid it on the table, went up to his room, and hit the books.
With great trepidation, his Mom looked at it and to her great surprise, little Zachary got an "A" in maths.
She could no longer hold her curiosity.
She went to his room and said: "Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?"
Little Zachary looked at her and shook his head, "No"
"Well, then", she replied, "Was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms? WHAT was it?"
Little Zachary looked at her and said, "Well, on the first day of school, when I saw that guy nailed to the Plus Sign, I knew they weren't f***ing around."

Oliver - Another sell-out for Centre Stage Productions

First off, congratulations to Centre Stage Youth Theatre. Oliver was great, a sell-out and really good fun.
Lots of talent, some wonderful singing and loads of enthusiasm.
Alex who played Nancy, seen here in the red dress, brought us two unscheduled laughs.
The first on the Saturday when the lights came on from a stage blackout, and there was Alex looking like a sprinter leaving the starting traps.
Having just been murdered, she was caught in the middle of getting up and trying to leave the stage!
She froze...she'd still be in that position now if there hadn't been another, unscheduled, blackout for her to exit gracefully!
The audience enjoyed the fun and even applauded when they realised what had happened.
The second was on the Sunday when the script called for a bottle of drink to be poured out. No bottle!
So Alex, breeding will show, adlibbed..."Oi, where's the bloody gin?"
That dear audience is why the cast got a fit of the giggles and Alex got a slap from mummy after the show!
Next production for Centre Stage is Jesus Christ Superstar on 21st, 22nd and 23rd of THIS MONTH.
Please make sure of your tickets. Centre Stage now sell out for virtually all performances. The only way to be sure of a ticket is to buy them early. Someone contacted Centre Stage office earlier this week to complain that the seats he wanted had already gone...for all 3 performances. As usual, you have been warned.
Tickets are available at The Auditorium Box Office in Palma, Paseo Maritimo and branches of Servicaixa in Mallorca.